To the Letter To the Letter Volume X I'm Not Afraid of The Dark

That Flesh

For Alexander Tinti and John Castaneda (J.C.)

This is an Ode to the Sickness of Bodies ….
Between the Blade of Bone
And Teeth and Gum
My tongue meat
squeezed white with pressure
splits at the tip
and Bleeds hesitant Traces of HIV
I am a-Diseased Beast
and Dying
and shriveling away to a Shrieking Terror
I Scream Bloody Fucking Murder!
and You Murdered Me
You Stupid Body
Adorned in Senseless Trinkets and Trappings
I give you
I Hate You
That Mess/This Flesh/Inflamed in Greed/and Seething Lust/of
Pleasure’s Cries/in Pains that Wrench/
This Mess/That Flesh/a Spoiled seed of Maggots Feed/in Swirling Dust/the
Le Crawling Flies/the Meaty Stench
I can’t afford You
This Flesh/This Flesh
How I Adored You…..
Cleansed and Fed and Clothed You
Fixed and Vexed and Loathed You

no matter how hard I tried,
You always smelled terrible
Reeking in Varieties of
Bodily Stench
(Smelly Feet…………Sweaty Pits………..Stinky Crotch………..Shitty Anus)

I would Scrub and Scrub and Scrub
but could not
Purify You
of the Guilt

hanging Heavy
in the Air
like Broken Wind.,
a Bowel Gas
most foul

(That Flesh/That Flesh)

What are these Hands?

What is this Penis?

Why do I find this Monotony
of Lube and Fist
and Glossy Paper

the Spice of Mediocrity
when I am Alone?

Am I alone
or do Ghosts in This Machine of Meat
Inhabit the Darkness
of my Fleshless Mind
with Me?

Penis or Vagina
it is all the same
That Flesh/
That Flesh/

cannot be Freed
to My Redemption

cannot be Given
My Salvation

for I
cannot Forgive Myself

3, May 1992
East Village, New York
I’m Not Afraid of the Dark #40
F i n n e g a n

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