I'm Not Afraid of The Dark

Deliver Me From Darkness

For Trent Reznor

In My Worst Nightmares/
I am slowly awakening in Wreckage
to a Dark Silent World/
Where Everyone is dead
Where Everyone is dead
Where Everyone is dead but Me/

I am the Sole Survivor of This Oblivion/
of This Unspeakable Destruction
I am the Last One Left Alive/

I feel so Sad and Alone here/
so Sad and Alone Here/
So Sad and Alone/
Sad and Alone/

The Days in This World are Dark
indeed/for The Sun above is a Burnt Out Brown/
Not a Warm Lively Yellow/
and its Light is Sick and Cold/
Dirty and Comfortless/the THINGS it illuminates are Unspeakably Hideous
and Vile to Me/There is the Ugliness of Raw
Depressing Desolation and Savagery/
The Hot Fragrant Stink of Carnage
fanned on by the Slowly Dying Flames of Freshly
Flashed Fried Inferno of Malicious Hatred/
(having just previously embraeed the world
in the affections of its ravishing ThermoNuclear
hath Licked the World clean
of Life all around Me
(save for Fiery Scattered pockets of Ruin)
and remains my Only Source of Warmth/
from the Savage Chill
existing on the Outer Limits
of My Survival
in this Dark Glacial Nowhere/

The Days here are long and dull

Seemingly Pointless.

The Nights here
are Frigid and Starless/
Seemingly Meaningless
Yet have I only myself to derive a Purpose from/
and in the Dead Quiet of this Planetary Tomb
My Thinking is clear/
Clearest in My Thoughts
is The Objective of Living despite Evidence
to the Contary/and
Even though I greive openly and bitterly at the Mutual Loss
I share now with an Essentially Dead World
I quietly plan a Flourishing
In the Silence this is All
I think about/
This is all….

Being Intensely Self Aware and Sensitive
and in spite ceaselessly chaotic
twists and turns of Mind also being
Perfectly Capable of Reason

I give off My Own Illumination
completely self generated
and ablaze
in the Fires of Creation

My Glorious Reflected Radiance
Educates Me Honestly

No longer willing to Accept Negativity
without Question
and Denying The Denial of My Priceless Contributions of Justice, Charity
Mercy, Tolerance and Forgiveness
I take stock of My Suffering
I reevaluate My Investments in Senseless Dealings
with The Hopelessly Insensate
and then I conclude
Serenely that

I am Weary of This World of Darkness and Death

Being Divinely Inspired to Evolve
I ignite/ Being Light
I shine Naturally

My Light, Radiant and Intense
flares suddenly powerful
and clean, pulsing musically clear
and bright
from my MultiColoured Heart
Then Extending Its Quiet Reach
instantly from Depths
too deep within me to quickly explain
to an Infinite Reach
Beyond Myself/

My Light goes out From Me
in a Seething Flash/
precedes Me as
in an Enlightened
state of irradiation
I briefly Light
The Cosmos
which then brings out the Previous Pall of Grave Quiet, the rising

Fiery Scream
of My Awakened and Blazing
Star of Immortality/’

My Light as now revealed
by Celestial Design
shimmering with Deathless Purity
extends forever
throughout My Living Hell
touching the very borders of My Nightmaresi
amd setting this Dark Icy World

A Haven of Light
forged by My Fearless Decision to Live
shelters Me as I continue to try
to be a Light in Darkness/
to be Star of Life and Beauty/
on a Bleak Stage of Monumental Emptiness/
The Deep Space of Ignorance I know is not My Home/
But as yet
My Reborn Soul still lacks the Necessary Focus and Drive
to Fly Clear of the Dark Shadow World entirely
and on the Cutting Edge
of my own Evolution /
I slam Furious
and Raging at My Limits/
Which Screens Me off
from Notice
in a Lone Star System undiscovered as yet
but Not Unfamilar/

And Shining Beautifully I see your World translated Musically to Vision

But a Harsh Abrupt Barrier
of Hate
filth, noise and Darkness prevents Me from responding directly
to you/ As the Pale Sickly Followers of Idolaters
on Death’s Door of Glamour
who love you
No Less than I/Surround You
and Trap You
with the foul offerings of Their Deaths In the Name of Love
for you, and the Silent Guilt
you can’t seem to cleanse
or purge from you
Imprisons You in a Nightmare of your Own
With You Never wanting it Like This… Not for you or anyone…..

Still I shine

Still I create…
I am Still Alive in My Light
and it it merely Thirsty for Inspiration
And so I Prune the Sharp Thoughts I could Use
to Destroy
and Hone Them down Perfetly to Create instead,
and I struggle Only to Keep this in Focus,
Because I would rather
Create a Brilliant Statement of Protest
rather than Hate and Attack Imaginary Enemies
and find Misery as my sole Companion

So I Remember You
and Struggle to create
a Reality not Dark
but Inspiration and Lovely
for You to Remember Me by,
I, who must struggle against Incredible Odds to connect with You
if You are ever to know that I have gotten
Word of Your Loneliness
and I must inform You
that I Love You because You have Suffered
Needlessly over Nothing and that You
are not Alone….

My Dark Twisted Nightmares Persist. I survive Each One
even though I am made too old inside
from the Hardships I Experience free of them.
I cannot shake myself Totally free of them
yet it is not a fruitless struggle,

For My Successive Efforts
Empower Me
with a Genius too Liberating
for words.

And in a Radically Beautiful Freedom of Expression
I find Myself
Fearless, Alive
and Awaiting Decent Conversation

In a World too Dead to its own Potential
to Even be Concerned about discussing Yours
withou feeling Threatened, Envious, Hostile,
Resentful and Defensive.


through Miraculous Means
after Years of My lone Unsung Crusade for Truth and Eternal Life,

You’re on the outside of this nightmare
Looking in.

(You see me though I can’t see you)

You see my agony.
You see my loneliness.
You see my powerfulwill
To survive.
You see my love and who
I have lovedi;
Forever aliv in my heart.
You see my i telligence
And generosity
And the beauty i possess

You see me
Screaming soundlessly
In my nightmaring sleep
Calling out for help
Calling out for help
Calling out for help
And you take heart.

You call to me.
Not with your voice

Not with your mouth,

But with your heart.

You summon by will
The lifeforce
We all share
In being
And plug into the great light rays of eternity
With all your heart and soul

This touches and moves me.


I receive your love.

So precious it is to me
I weep with joy
As waves of your love flood my soul.
In recognition only it is mine.

Made optimally renewed
by it, I shall never abuse your love.
I can only thank and bless you for it.
Your love’s incorruptible
Purity has the power
To heal me. It inspires me to live.

You see, before disaster
Obliterated my world
And destroyed everyone I knew
All around me,
Pitching me into a vortex of raging stormy darkness
I remembered the light of love
Within. I knew all things
Were possible in it.

And so I found courage
To face the darkness and bravely, albeit vainly,
I sought out
The heart of darkness to see it for what it is
And found myself stuck on a sick wonder wheel
Of time and time again
Time and time again. Seeking escape
From loneliness
But cut off by form and invisible to you
Because the sacrificial bonfires of the vanities only blind you to your own
True beauty, not to mine, which you would steal from me like a thief if
You could (true beauty shares, in stark contrast to vanity which in strict
Accordance to its limited and limiting agenda only possesses for the sake of
And so I remain apart from you until I’m strong enough
To love you without getting used and discarded by you.
And herein lies the trap of my loneliness
For now it seems as if I must protect myself from your ego
While keeping mine humble and harmless and detached
If I am to connect with you sincerely, off it is not your form which truly
Interests or fascinates me, but your radiant content, and so I call to you
From my own section of hell in the temporal sequence
And ask you to reflect upon my message which should resonate and magnetize
Because we are kin
And as your astral sibling
I ask you to prepare yourself for my arrival
For our reunion shall be wonderous when we shed our garments of insanity
And leave this sick dream forever as rising stars returning to their natural
Gracious element in heaven
Though that seems like a terribly long way off. But time can be shortened by
You immeasurably if you learn, as i have, what time is for. It could not poss
Be for suffering for in this it is wasted. But time spent creating shall re
And bless and is really the only therapy required of you. Your health blesses
Everyone Alive and me for it is mute testimony to the light.
I came to find you and I have. Weuve in the same mind. We speak the same
Language. We must connect for this is the light
But it is our works and our glorious creations which shall
Bring us all inevitably back
Together for the purpose of peace
Tn the end. And there shall be an end to time
For time was made by our own sick minds as a cheap imitation of eternity
And will be in all its brutal mockery
Inevitably replaced entirely by it. And as eternity never had a beginning
And will never have an end, all time is by comparison, is a disjointed and
Meaningless aspect of eternity, stolen from it, yet dead without it, making
Itself the dark mirror
Reflection and opposite to all we really want, have and are. In eternity
We are already safe at home asleep, while
Dreaming we are here and believing that all here that violates
And beats and breaks and hurts us is all real and valuable and true.
There ls really no content at all to the dream of time save for
The propaganda it dictates for itself, (cycles, patterns, rituals of
Essentially dead traditions and statistics woven attractively together
Out of nothing) which can only be seen for what it is from
An objective perspective of it
Outside and apart from it (or a place which requires more imagination
And less imagined morality) where its glaring lack of substance is clearly
Evident and hardly desirable
Until I reach you
I must keep working
To stay in touch with my light
For without you
This world is painful and dark and loveless
I came here in a dream of loss sheltered pathetically by an illusion of love.
That is not how I plan to
Leave, but what could I have
Expected to find here in the dream of time
But death, misery, disaster,
Hatred, cruelty and chaos.?
This world was made for death.
Being here
Is clearly a mistake.
It’s a cheap, tacky fantasy
To hope for anything of lasting value in the world of change and form and
Illusory appearances, (the dreamrealm of an insane part of heaven which
Believes it created itself and that denies its own home and origins in favor of
Being homeless in a beuef in guilt and unforgivable, uncorrectable errors)
There is nothing here to love.

But we are not nothing. We are truly luminous beings
And priceless parts of eternity which
Are dearly loved and are expected to return (of our own free will
Now I know I made a mistake in seeking for hope in this hopeless dream of I
And I acknowledge that I have lost my perfection which even now guides me back
To itself and to reality (for such is the purpose of my quest)
So I apologize now to my higher
Immortal spirit
For any suffering the ignorance of my desires
Has caused me
And in penance which involves no harsh or punitive judgement
I hereby refuse to attack myself any further for my errors.
I take a stand for light. For truth. I commit my light totally to creation.
My quest continues now for light, truth and beautiful expression
But from this point
Not alone.
We grow and learn and live
And love only
And knowing we shall eventually connect
On the journey
I implore you in advance now before you meet me
To gently awaken me with your love (love yourself with no self-deception)
Inspire me profoundly with your love ( care for and about yourself unselfishly
For you are a precious part of myself) for your love is the hudden key
To my fiery transformation and will release us together
To a freedom this dark nightmare world fears
But is in desperate need of.
I extend to you
This invitation specifically
And request of you beseeching
That you
And remove me forever
From this sickness and decay.

27 January 1998
I’m Not Afraid of The Dark # 39
Poetry From The Dark Side Series # 1

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