The Illusion of Fame and Glory (in The Confusion of Joy and Pain)*

                                                                                                               *For Dennis

BOUNCED      MY HEART      A CHECK/.. 
FEARED          MY BROKEN NECK/.. 
DREAM MYSELF AWAY          IN A MESS 
OF MY OWN MAKING..//..FANTASIZING SLEEK 
ELEGANT DECEITS/.. 
LIES FOR ALL OCCASIONS, ILLUSIONS 
OF EMOTION//REVERIE SO SWEET/.. 
ELEGANT DECEITS/.. 
LIES FOR ALL OCCASIONS, ILLUSIONS 
OF RELATION//WISH TO HAVE A LIFE/.. 
JEALOUSLY DESPISED/.. 
DREAMS        OF MY SURVIVAL,         MY SAD 
IMAGINATION//DREAMED I HAD      A LIFE 
EVERYONE DENIED/… 
ATE ME FROM THE INSIDE, BLED ME FROM THE OUTSIDE/DREAMED 
I WON THE LIFE 
EVERYONE’S DENIED/ 
STABBED ME FROM THE OUTSIDE, BLED ME FROM THE INSIDE/DREAMED 
I WAS         THE LIGHT 
THAT ALL       IN FLESH     DESPISED/ALL WHO DREAM 
WHO HIDE         FROM THEIR SOULS’        REGENERATION/DREAMED MYSELF A LIE 
JEALOUSLY DESPISED/DREAMS      OF MY REPRISAL,      MY SICK 
IMAGINATION/THOUGHT        I COULD ESCAPE 
EVERYTHING I     HATE../WRAP YOURSELF IN DEATH 
AND DARKNESS     TO RE-USE ME/DREAMED        I COULD RELATE 
ALL MY SICKENED HATE 
TO ALL THE THINGS       THAT FRIGHTENED 
DISGUSTED AND        CONFUSED ME/..WRITE MYSELF A CHECK/.. 
SAVE MY PRETTY NECK/..THROW MY LIFE AWAY 
TO A PETTY SLAVE’S 
EXISTENCE/…IF YOU LEAVE       TODAY/ 
THROW      MY LIFE AWAY/AND LIVE A 
LIFE A SLAVE 
TO                          DESIRE’S MAD INSISTENCE/…

21, August 2005 
Amsterdam, Holland

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